my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
