I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
