It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
