you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
