I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
