hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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