One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
