It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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