I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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