my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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