I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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