He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
