You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
