I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
