Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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