I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
