You work out of a Hotel?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
