Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
