he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
