You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
