I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
