the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
