fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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