So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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