I cockslap morals
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
