and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
