walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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