Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
