yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
