And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So many bounce houses so little time
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
