you guys were way drunker than both of me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
