does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
