I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
