id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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