i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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