if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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