I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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