You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
