she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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