She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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