i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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