God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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