Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
