Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
