PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
