that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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