No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
