As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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