I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
