We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's great music for shaving your balls
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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