I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
