Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
