it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
