dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
