You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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