Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize