drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
