You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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