Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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