You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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