The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
