Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
