wat bout pragnant strippers??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
