the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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