There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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