i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize