he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
