Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Porn is love you can see.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
