i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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