You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
