I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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