That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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