Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
